Tuesday 3 September 2013

Bahrain: The truth behind the wise leadership and other lies


The trouble:

Recently my beloved Bahrain, which is the air that I breathe, the food that I eat and the wallet that I take...anyway, has been terrorised by groups of terrible, traitor, terrorists, and not to be sectarian about it or anything, but they are, of course, Shiia.

Accompanying this unpatriotic onslaught of evil by these evil-doers, there has also been a sustained media campaign of disinformation and distortion, and not just by my government, which is why I’m so very mad. So mad in fact that my face now looks like the wrinkled backside of a 100 year old donkey who’s been sitting in a pool of warm soapy water for 3 days.

These traitors, formally regular citizens who lived in our community as our own people, came out into the streets, yelling, chanting and saying rude things about me, on February 14 of 2011. Why they chose to ruin the day of love and valentine happiness, I'll never know. But just because I don’t know something it doesn't mean I don’t have an opinion about it. I think they chose Valentine’s Day because they hate our freedom of choice; choice of Al-Khalifas to generously rule #Bahrain in the most modern Saudi tribal way possible.

The wise leadership:

AlKhalifa rule is one of the five pillars of wise leadership and stability. The other four pillars are money, land, power and other people’s money.

I have always been committed, at least in the press, to achieving great strides of honourable progress on the road to a bright future for all citizens, except for the traitors who bring chaos and pain to the country with no regard for its 200 years of tradition that puts me and my stout, inbred family in the seat of power. They deserve nothing. I would like to burn them on a pyre fuelled by copies of the BICI report. But I don’t know if this allowed or not, yet.

The solution:

And yes, I have vowed to fight these terrorists with great force and little mercy, but wisely and within the limits of the law and bounds of our HR dirt track record. Further, I promise you this, if we ever breach the law in our crackdown, we make sure we take immediate steps. Steps like changing the law so our actions are no longer outside the law. This flexibility is at the heart of my wise leadership.

Bahrain government aims to carefully tread the line between total inaction on reforms and total lauding of its progress in the media. And where the lauding stops, the cables start.

Keep in mind that running a country successfully is difficult; particularly when you’re not sober the entire time, so we decided to run it unsuccessfully.

And like I always say, top quality whisky doesn't drink itself.

Thailand:

The traitors demanded the downfall of the legitimate leadership. I know it’s legitimate because that’s the opposite of illegitimate, and I’m the expert on illegitimate. Just look in Thailand for babies that are half-Asian, half-Khalifa.

If this unbiased blog report doesn't convince you that my visionary leadership has touched everyone who has come in contact with it, the way you’re touched when you come into contact with STDs, then you may need a long stay at Hotel AlKhalifa for a loyalty calibration.


3ash bu 3li, taj raskum.

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